I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
