Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
