Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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