is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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