Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
