Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
