Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
you never un-have a 4some
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
