Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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