I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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