you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
