you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize