I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
