Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
