and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
