You really coming over, don't trick.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
