he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
