why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
