3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
