thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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