Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
