If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You are the jesus of drinking
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
