how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
