How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
