I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
