what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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