the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
