is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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