He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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