It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
