I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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