Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
