It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
