OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My balls are so social today.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
