thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
