Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
