My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
