Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
