Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
