And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
