So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
