We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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