shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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