So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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