I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
