I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
