Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
