My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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