I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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