i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
