I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
