Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Randomize
