I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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