All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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