If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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