I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
