im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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