shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
