I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
is that a dick in a sweater?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
