When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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