yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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