We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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