Well apparently he's into motor boating.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
