My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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