Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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