why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
