I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
