We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
