That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
