dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
