Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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